Birthing from Within

My belly is starting to protrude a little, it still isn’t noticeable that I am pregnant I just look like I have been enjoying my food a little too much lately. I actually don’t mind having a little bump, in fact I welcome the moment when it is visible that I am indeed pregnant and other mums will look at me with joy and understanding because they know what is to come. And when my husband will come home from work and kiss both me and my bump hello.
We are now starting to think more seriously about the how, when and where of the birth. I know a home birth is not going to be easy. Friends of mine who are vegan and have the farm in Arta that first brought me here have a beautiful 7 month old blue eyed boy. She had a home birth, but her midwife came all the way from Thessaloniki which is about 4-5 hours drive away. The baby was born within 30 minutes of the midwife arriving, a very close call. And then they never saw here again, she was meant to come and see them again he baby was born but didn’t turn up. Anke (my friend) was very brave, but she also has her husband who is a Research Dr and a very intelligent man to support her. I am pretty sure he knows a lot more than my husband about the female body and birthing. Until we tell the parents and start asking around we can’t very well get a clear idea of what we are up against. So far everyone I have spoken to here about a home birth has told me to forget it. A birth without drugs yes, at home no! It is very disappointing, the clinic we initially went to for the scan has been said to be very good and the Dr very patient and very good during the birth in that he doesn’t pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable. Part of me doesn’t want to get my hopes up for a home birth and then be disappointed when it can’t happen. I have recently been reading a book called Birthing from Within – An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preperation by Pam England and Rob Harrowitz. The authors use a lot of art therapy to help women deal with their inner demons about birth. It is amazing what is revealed from womens drawings of birth. A lot of what is being translated from these drawing resonates deeply with me, for example showing a brave strong exterior but inside having many fears and anxieities. I have always been a strong, independent woman who likes to be in control of everything, I deal with pain well and try not to ask for help unless absolutely needed. But the thought of giving birth is freaking me out a little, not because I am afraid of the birth or the pain but more so because of the nature of where I live I feel I wont be able to control everything and it wont be as I imagined it to be in my head. For this reason I am trying very hard to be open minded to my limitations here. I feel that if I do have lots of ideals and preconceptions I will be so disappointed when it finally comes around that I may end up making it more difficult for myself and having to have a caesarean or something because of my inner consciousness. Here is a quote from the book that rings true for me:-
“If you envision giving birth in only one way and one place your chance of being thrown off balance by the unexpected increases dramatically. The more ways you can envision yourself giving birth, the more power you bring to your own birth.”
I have been asking for a lot of advice from the Raw Families forum, everyone has been great and being very supportive. My most recent question was whether I should have the tests the Dr told me to go back for this week. Everyone so far has told me not to bother. They test for iron levels, eclamspia Downs syndrome and more. While I completely understand why I have been told not to bother for Downs because whatever the outcome it wont make a difference to me and then there is the added worry of what if they do find something. On the other hand because my cat had kittens not long after a fell pregnant and I have been feeding her and the kittens as well as the dog and even though not stroking them and picking them up I have been in contact with them I would like the tests for eclampsia and then for iron to know that I am ok.
I guess it is peace of mind for me. Plus my husband is really keen to have them. We called a clinic in Athens the other day who specialise in Home births. Unfortunately they will not come to Arta (5 hours drive away) for the birth of our baby, but have said that we can go there to give birth which is a very relaxed environment and just like being at home. However we would need to stay in Athens for about 10 days before the due date to be sure that we make it to the clinic in time for the birth. The lady sounded very nice on the phone. I asked her several times if perhaps she knew anyone around this part of the country and each time she said no.
I am still hopeful.