OMG – I’m pregnant!

I am almost 2 weeks late for my period and although I have had sensitive nipples, mood swings and a few food cravings it still hasn't come. I have actually been feeling a bit weird kind of like I have butterflies in my stomach or I am always hungry. Anyway on Sunday I had had enough of wondering when my period will come and decided to buy a pregnancy test, I think Panos was also getting fed up of me being a miserable cow. Anyway we came home did it and it came out negative I was relieved because even though I do want kids one day and we are getting married in a couple of weeks I don't think we are ready for a baby just yet.
A few days later still no period and I was still feeling nauseous and more tired than usual, we had been for a drive into the mountains to Panos’ Mum’s village, windy roads and Panos driving often make me feel a little queasy but nothing quite like this. When we got back I decided to do the other pregnancy test. Guess what it came back positive. I am in shock and was for a few days afterwards it all feels unreal. Panos thinks it is great but he really has no idea of the work and changes that are about to take place in our lives. I have so many worries and anxieties, I am miles away from my family, mainly my mum, who I always imagined would be by my side during this time. I don't want to go through a pregnancy without my mum nearby. Even though I am sure she will be happy about becoming a grandmother, I also think she will be sad that she isn’t nearby to see first hand my progress, advise me and help me with anything.
I wanted to have been more stable in my diet and raw food eating. I had it all mapped out I planned to have read a stack of books and made both our lives as toxin free as possible before we even thought about conceiving, I am also a long way from home and friends and as much as I love my life here I do feel lonely. Life has a funny way of surprising us when we are least expecting it.
I have so many questions.... How will I feel? Will I be sick for the first 3 months? Will I fit into my wedding dress? Where will I give birth? Will we be ok economically if I can’t work next year? Will we still be renting a 1 bedroom flat when our baby comes along? And so many more.
Panos and I are on different plains right now, he is ecstatic about it all, being an only child and having come from a family that wanted more children but couldn’t have them his view is that there are millions of women who want kids but can’t have them. It is just a lot for me to take in right now and so soon without warning. I feel terrible because I know this should be a happy time for us, but the shock and unanswered questions are driving me crazy. I have decided not to tell anyone even though I called Nat yesterday and told her everything, she was really understanding but I think she was as shocked as I was. We think the same about a lot of things and she understands me. The reason for this decision is because I don’t think I can handle everyone fussing over me even more so during the wedding and of course they say the 1st 3 months are delicate and there is a risk of miscarriage.
Regardless of the shock there is a life inside me and I intend to do everything in my power to protect this life that I hold.